Falling Into My Life

I Guess that's Humanity

2012-01-27T12:13:00.001+08:00

This piece was written on August 04, 2011. I'm just putting it up now.

A shadow falls unto this generation,
One in the guise of liberation,
Folks thinking about the nature of their opression,
Not thinking to question the origin of its direction.
Rioting comes but no talk of revolution,
No changes made to better the situation
you got people from other nations over throwing their governments,
but we're stuck here getting water cannoned.
Making protestors look impotent as 5-0 begin to shun
spreading the tear gas, water soaked, battered... Fun.
Instead of us walking tall and making them pigs run.

How does it make you feel,
to know that no one really cares.
how does that make you feel,
To see that no one's really there.
How does that make you feel,
to know nobody's got your back,
and how does it make you feel,
when your everything's out of whack.

There's an eclipse that's befallen the land,
Taken the form of the hollywood brand.
Books into screenplays into movies on screen,
Everyone watches with their eyes gleam,
Killing the ability to imagine and create,
the realms authors write that the mind sate
And so I scream at the top of my lungs,
"Doesn't anyone read books anymore!"
I am hushed by the crowd and the screen they adore,
Ignorant of the words that were written before.

How does it make you feel,
when your mind draws a blank,
How does it make you feel,
when other people's visions are stuck in your head,
how does it make you feel,
when your words aren't your own,
and how do you feel,
when you aren't you at all.

There's a fire burning in these hearts,
For the passions of selfish thoughts,
of wanting more and giving less,
the realms of morality we've digressed
all in order for us to get ahead,
we burn away those morals instead.
Away into the fire it goes,
only to realize that we've lost our souls
with no more lines to cross,
thinking with arrogance, that we're the boss,

how does it make you feel,
to know you gave it all away,
how does it make you feel,
knowing it wasn't worth the price you paid,
how does it make you feel,
when everyone acts the same way,
and what makes you think,
that you can get laid.

I see this world imperil,
a world lost of pride, knowledge, and morality,
a world where the obscene is formality,
and its people can become feral,
less than that of soulless animals.
But then again, that's humanity,
because it always take awhile for us to truly see,
the horizon's edge with its new dawn, full of beauty.

Little Tommy Swing

2011-12-19T12:07:00.001+08:00

by Gabriel Obidalla

This is a lullaby for the children of a certain kind. Be brave and strong little ones.

Swing, swing, swing,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

Swing with all your might,
Swing to save your life,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

His blood's on your bat,
Walls with blood splat,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

Hush now, the bad man's dead,
Mommy's safe from the dread,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

Hug mommy really tight,
Tell mommy "Its all right."
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

"The bad man's dead,
Little Tommy dear,"
Mother said with a tear,
and Little Tommy wept.

You swung with your bat,
Now daddy's dead,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

He can't hurt you anymore,
Lying lifeless on the floor,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

You did what was right,
Saving mommy's life,
Little Tommy swing,
Little Tommy swing,

Little Tommy and mommy,
Will never be afraid again.

A Moment of Daydreaming

2011-12-08T11:40:00.001+08:00

Working hard with a heavy heart,
wanting so much to be lost in thoughts.
So I decide to daydream instead.
Fingers off keyboard,
eyes closed from the screen
and off do I go for a quick daydream.
It's a dark endless void at first,
for the construct is incomplete.
Alone, in a place where useless things go,
Thoughts that are meant to be lost,
unwanted, lingering ideals and formaliies.
I take a step into the dark,
a light shines ever so brightly and
a transitioning meadow takes form.
The willow I love so much
is where my step takes me,
I sit under the its shade,
a light breeze passes over me.
Taking a deep breathe,
I exhale a white smoke out of me.
It takes the body of my beloved,
her beauty just as I always see, angelic.
She's in my arms, laying next to me.
There I am, under the willow, in the shade,
She's near to my heart, it beats, she slumbers,
I smile to this moment, of this meadow and tree
and of her, laying here beside me.
I close my eyes for I found the remedy to my heart,
the cool breeze takes me back to the endless dark.
Eyes open and the daydream is lost,
Fingers on keyboard, eyes on screen,
Back to work, with a heavy heart.

Reading Now...

2011-09-30T16:11:00.001+08:00

I'm currently reading The Devil's Pool by George Sand. For anyone interested, here's the link: http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12816

Legacy Unwanted, Humanity Regained

2011-09-29T17:39:00.001+08:00

Written on September 21, 2011.

This world, this life,
Born of love, knowing only strife,
Seeking glory without consequence,
Obtaining wealth for material expense,
The legacy of a generation past,
Is lost to the one that's coming,
Because now they've tainted their minds with selfish thoughts,
corrupted their bodies with disease and rot,
and tore their souls with desire and lust.
This legacy we inherit,
and with it, humanity becomes undone.
But in the black, there is hope,
the light shines, calling us home,
to compassion and love for our fellow man,
In this moment, proud we stand,
this world better for we are better men.

Ahmed Ahmed Live in KL

2011-09-24T01:21:00.001+08:00

Went to the show, Sarimah Ibrahim was funny, hot and sexy. She's single now and if I could I wouldn't mind asking her out and getting shot down. Got to meet her at least. Great woman. Funny.

Andrew Netto does great stand-up. Hope he gets a special. Really need to find places that do stand up comedy here.

Harith Iskandar did well, enough said.

And Ahmed Ahmed was himself or at least himself on stage. Absolutely funny, as always. Actually got to meet the man himself and shake his hand and thank him for all the years he did comedy. Gave him a God bless and God speed and left.

All in all, that was a great time. And all I have are the memories and the ticket stub.

That'll do. That'll do.

The Fields of Gathered Fate

2011-09-20T11:04:00.001+08:00

Argh! I scream in such agony but no voice can be heard, for I had none, not yet. Slowly and painfully, the bones began to reconstitute as if by the flip of a switch, I am restored again. Strips of flesh begin to return after the thousands of years, laying in decay, consumed by bacteria from within and decomposing into fodder for the worms, into nothingness, until only there was earth. But it grew back, albeit slowly and I could feel every second of it. They never mentioned this, the pain of the returning flesh; of the resurrection time. Or maybe they decided not to tell us at all for purposes undisclosed to masses, but the pain, so unbearable, without remorse. This must have been the intent. A taste of torture as everything slowly comes back.

For in the ages passed, neither flesh nor bone stood the test of time, yet I bore witness to it all. I saw empires rise and fall, through means of War and economy. I saw humanity grow beyond this world's capacity and with it, Pestilence, Famine, and Death rode in. Yes, I could see their personifications as they began to rip this world apart, but oh, humanity, in its dire need did not succumb to the wicked devices of these riders. Nay, humanity arisen even higher, grasping at the stars and so they did, but I remained and others like me, until the day of the cataclysm came and all that was returned to the Fields of Fate.

I knew, even before I was returned to the Earth, that of all my being, this thing, this undying and everlasting thing called my soul would be the last to remain, to bear witness to the actions of my children, of my clan. Of my sons, who did well in their lives, devote in their beliefs. Good men with strong will; with families of their own and wisdom to teach the ways of old in a new light, never fearing than that of the one fear to be had. Good men, with good hearts and blessed souls, fighting in the war and returning safe home. They honor themselves well. And of my daughters, they saw fit to lead their lives as they chose. Leading as matriarchs profound, one as a mother and the other blasting the revolutionary horn. Both though, forged change and gained feminine respect. This I saw and what great lives they lead. Good women. Independent and strong. Fighting the perception of weakness of their gender, correcting the sexist wrongs. They have earned such great respect among both sexes, of the masculine most of all.

But that was long ago and they too have gone. I wonder, do they feel this agony as well?

Muscles begin to grow, skin forms once again. The Breath returns and from this, my soul, drifting in the cosmos, in pain latches once again to its corporeal flesh. Eyelids open and I see dirt. My mind races, beginning to panic, doing as instinct tells me to, I dig outward, away from the earth that I was in for so long; away from the place I knew to be my home for the countless eons passed. But no more, for now as flesh, I need lay in earth, I required air. All the while, my thoughts were simply, dig.

Dig. Dig faster. Hurry. Running out of air.

It felt like an eternity, burrowing out from the confines of this small space until at last, a golden light came passing through a tiny hole no bigger than my index finger. The first rays of light that shone on these eyes, these human eyes and the air as it flowed rapidly into the space. I knew then that I was brought back, knowing too well what I'll see next. I feared it, so much so that I hesitated to break free. I closed my eyes and then I remembered the words I spoke unto my children.

No fear. No fear other than the one to be had. No fear other than the one that is always there.

My eyes open once again and my fingers press through the hole from which the light shone. More and more of this bright warmth came to me as I broke free.

Dig. Push. Rise.

One last push. One more scream. My head rises for the first time, like a new born babe, blinded ever more so by the radiance of this light; this warm, embracing, engulfing light. I felt new and old, all at once. Scurrying myself out of that hole, no more confined to the dirt from where I lay in rot. Standing tall again, I felt young, but I wasn't alone. Oh no, not alone. Others arose from the ground beneath me. They too have been awaken, remade into their former selves, bare skin and covered in dirt. I too was no different and gave no second thought, but unlike everyone I stood there still, attempting to fathom the depths of creation and the will that binds us all. The others that returned, wearing no cloth or linens for these concepts were trivial now, walked towards a similar direction.

They walked passed me, I managed to glance some of their faces, some of them I remember. Some friends. Others were family. I few enemies as well. All came back and none were left behind. I gazed upon a face and without doubt I knew it was my old friend Michael, from high school, but he did not notice me, just simply walked passed, no expression to speak of. This was surreal, yet in my newly reanimated heart, I knew it to be true. I turned around, in the direction of those before me. The light, oh that magnificent light! So beautiful yet it did not possess me, not like the others. Its beauty was an aesthetic that I long missed, feel of the light's rays on this skin. How it empowered my soul but it did not take my will from me. Of everyone else, it controlled, drawing them to it source.

It was then, I knew, in my heart, where the light lead them and where we I was. Yet, how was I able to have the will of thought. How curious, I pondered. And so I began my walk, across the Planes of Gathered Fate to see the event of Measured Scales. To see Wrath and Mercy take its singular form.

"And maybe, just maybe, I'll get to see the ones I love," I spoke aloud in thought.

2011-08-16T10:10:00.001+08:00

Just to streamline everything, all my posts from the lesser poet have been imported into Falling into My Life. When I actually feel like, I'll merge all the other posts I have with this one.

2011-08-04T12:48:00.000+08:00

I don't blog too much, mainly because I don't have anything to say on a personal matter. Unless I have something to say, I'm quiet...

2011-07-11T11:04:00.000+08:00

Today,I seek to be different, but not be someone else. I seek to merely be a part of me that doesn't often show to the common people of my life. Maybe, by doing so, I can get my mind back to the focus it belongs.

To an old friend

2011-06-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

I am an old friend,
from a long past,
come to call you out,
to give thanks
for all that was
and everything without.
Should we ever meet again,
as men, aged and experienced,
I would sit with you old,
and converse on our lives spent.
'Till then old friend,
not forgotten, always in praise,
until that fated day.

Another day, a new dawn...

2011-06-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

What will I do? Now that I'm heading off to the workforce. Time to build that better version of me. Stronger. Smarter. Faster. Build myself a good name. Good rep. Make me solid. Oh dear Lord, I'm going to need a prayer.

Still waiting on MindValley...

In any case, I have things to do. People to impress and a world to save (wait, that one's a tad bit over ambitious. Oh, why the heck not.).

Yay!!! New family members...

2011-06-11T15:03:00.001+08:00

The new members of the family. I never thought I would have anything to do with horses after Sam's passing, but they are so cute. I'm just hoping I'll be up for the task of taking care of them.

2011-06-09T21:53:00.000+08:00

While driving today, heading to yet another interview, I really couldn't get over the fact that the heat was God awful. But being that I don't have air conditioning in my car I was stuck on the federal in traffic, I guess that would make anyone a little bit cross.

Still, poor Betty Lou (that's my car) got me to where I needed to be. I am very thankful of her and her strong spirit. She and I have been through a lot these past few years and even though she's banged up pretty good, I still love her. I really should make it up to her and fix her up a bit. Yeah, I think she'll like that.

Anyways, went to another interview and went back home. Wanted to head off to Amcorp Mall to see what new books they got at the bargain corner. That didn't happen on account I suddenly felt like I needed to be home. So, I drove back, with no radio to speak of (because like my AC, the radio's busted too), so I played out an adventure scenario in my head for me to jot down later. Yay! A new adventure for my fellow geeks.

2011-06-06T17:02:00.000+08:00

I am a truly,dreadful blogger. Such neglect on my part. Nay. This will not do...

New Resume for 2011

2011-06-06T15:57:00.001+08:00

For all of the prospective employers out there, here's a digital copy of my resume for 2011. I'm tapping into my inner geek... hehehe

time and time again

2010-06-09T09:18:00.000+08:00

Things cannot be what they were, for what was no longer is and what will be is yet to come. Though is does seem to perpetuate an endless cycle of redundant and ever so more nauseating turn of events. Even so, it would still remain far better that than an existence of, well, a non-existent being.

People in general seem to think that the lives they inhabit require further measure of excitement. Why must this puerile sense of ambition take away from the magnificence that is our daily life? To dream is a great thing but to dream for for wealth and status is something that in any case, vain. Troubles that create this stems from the need to be greater than others. Yet, being greater brings no more peace of mind than that of a far more inferior counter-part. Everyone has problems and the problems are relatively the same. The only difference is the perception of it all. As everyone has the same perception, that their lives are worser off than others.

Everyone's life is hard and comparing it doesn't seem to help. What must be done is simply this, to accept that life is hard and that the only person making it harder is yourself. In truth, if the perception of it all is the main cause than steer clear of the perception. Naive as this may sound, it is also the truth. For what ever reason we put ourselves down, we do so on our own accord. Allowing ourselves to live dreams of wealth and power only ignites the discontent of our real lives. What must exist now is the dream to live a good life. In earnest truth, that is all that we could ever really ask for.

the moving of the mind

2010-06-01T17:16:00.000+08:00

I propose in taking my thoughts and putting them into a filing cabinet called lost thoughts, in a special spot in my mind. After which, should I decide to execute them, it wouldn't be so chaotic.

Seriously, my thoughts are everywhere. One dominant thought at the moment is the death of poor Barakhah. That dear wounded, past away a couple days ago and I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Even had a dream about having a conversation about him, which in retrospect isn't actually weird at all for me. I just feel bad is all, now that he's gone. I really did love that animal and now, I just feel... sad really.

Life goes on and all that I have left are the memories.

That's one thought, out of the many that flood my mind. I guess I just need to calm down and maybe just focus and get some work done.

getting the day started

2010-05-27T09:13:00.000+08:00

I have been given several tasks that seemingly enough look feasible, but it all depends on the morale of the team. I do not ask of them what I can not do and never would I seek the impossible. At the moment, as I sit here listening in on the office room's chatter, brainstorming with everyone on the various projects that the others are doing, I see myself comfortable, as if I was in a place of tranquility.

Maybe, as the day starts, I might get through this day. Even so, I still remain to have an adverse effect on Thursdays.

shine your light on me

2010-05-18T12:26:00.000+08:00

It was never about seeking the darkness within me, much rather it was the opposite. The need for light exists, its hunger to absorb the bountiful nourishment that is the good that I need to live on. This is what I need, the light to shine its glorious rays upon my being.

taking strides

2010-05-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

To see upon the horizon and view the world beyond our perspective sight, one must merely, know for certain that the horizon is the limitation of our depth perception. Upon this, the will to further grasp that there are a great many things beyond our sight, at the ready to feed our imaginative process.

These are the boundaries of creation from which the intangible manifest into the certainty that is reality. From reality, the tangible becomes conceptual and the fertile minds (both young and old) innovate to make anew. This process of thought to idea to concept to design to prototype and finally the end creation, is the path made for those whose dreams would wish dreams to become reality.

It is these strides where we are the strongest for what are we if not creations that have the ability to manifest the deepest of dreams into such wondrous substance.

We who think to create, do so in the strides we make for ourselves and for those around us. And so it begins, upon the dawning light, do awaken from dreams to smile at the tinkering that we would make on that piece of paper.

As it goes, the journey never ends as long as we never give up our innate ability to make the simplest thought a certain reality.

for prospective employers

2010-05-10T00:20:00.006+08:00

To all those who would require an Interface Design major for an intern, please by all means, contact me. I am currently looking for an internship position in the field of user interface design, usability, and user experience.

Please, have a look at my resume and cover letter.

looking for something that's still missing

2010-05-09T22:32:00.004+08:00

I cannot understand why on Earth my mind wanders into the far reaches of space, as if to say that my mind and my body are never in unison.

the sense to know when to start

2010-03-31T12:03:00.002+08:00

It isn't something that wrong with me. Truthfully speaking, I'm fine and dandy but for the life of me, I can't seem to start off or finish on any of my projects. It seems to me that every time I try to make a step forward, I fall back and tumble 2 steps back. This is truly a frustrating thing to go through.

My faith though I must say in myself has taken its toll. As lively as I am these days, I cannot deny that all my energy is drained. I have the intention but my will is weakening. I fear that slowly, but surely, my energy will be depleted and I will be hollowed out. There has to be a way to prevent myself from circling the drain.

I must find a way...

seeing beyond my eyes

2010-03-22T10:35:00.002+08:00

Never did I think the world could ever be percieved in the moments of the unforseeable dangers that would illude the better nature of my life. If there were any chance to fully comprehend the morbidity the spews out of my being, I would take it. For at the moment, all that I feel is the tragic sensation of loss.

What have I lost?

I ask myself this question, one that I cannot answer. This feeling of a hole in my heart, my soul and my flesh has left me to the notion that I am nothing more than a pound if swiss cheese. Am I to be eaten by a another? Taken as mere morsels of tasteful food. This cannot be! I cannot, nay, I will not believe in this pathetic notion of being. I am the first son of my family, the eldest in this clan of nine.

Yet, I feel distant, lost in the stream of thoughts that arise, wading through haplessly. Why to I still fight? To see myself, reflecting in the waters of thoughts a plenty, do I see the distorion of my being. Conflicted, comfounded and no bearing to my path. What I see is the aging man, the child, the sinner and the saint all looking back at me as I to them.

But they are not perplexed by my form. They smile, gayfully, without a care in the world; without a trouble in sight. Could that be who I am, an untroubled man. Never with doubt in his head full of teeming thoughts, ever conflicting yet ever abiding. They gaze upon me, these persons beyond my eyes, pointing to the path that I would be.

They tell me, not to fear my destiny. To allow it reign for it shall free me and awaken the forgotten man within. Maybe, one of these days, the taste of misery will leave my tongue forever. And what I see beyond these eyes, though I cannot process, I believe it to be hopeful.

the beginning not the end

2010-03-15T10:02:00.002+08:00

How much do people really change? Really? I seriously would like to know. I can understand that people are essentially neutral when they start off in their lives but what can anyone say about someone who is truly dark in nature. A black soul that which even the devils of the world would not dare to bother.

Then again there is always the polar opposite. An individual that lives in the totality of good wholeheartedly bathes in the essence of light. Such a mortal being would be unbearable for the act of instilling human peace takes the root of war and chaos.

I bear no resemblance to either side for I am the forever learned one. It is knowledge of various natures that compels me to further understand the inner workings of this universe. But as many would call me a man who lacks faith, I know where I stand. To where does the humanity lay within the nested place of comfort yet to be taken away from it by the hands of those live in contempt. To be in such conflict is the nature of man.

Peace for me is merely the effect from which I would apply chaos into my own life. With chaos and struggle, peace of mind is ever present.

The Take Down

2008-07-15T09:57:00.000+08:00

The pain is surprisingly numb,
Only a moment before it comes,
That I feel its surge,
An awakening jolt breaking my threshold,
Taking me down,
To the earth, dizzyied, lost,
No longer able to recognize
what has happened,
Just that I am at peace.

Quote:

2008-03-11T07:32:00.000+08:00

Nightmares are enlightening. It brings you to the brink of madness and lets you see who you really are. It's such a shame that rarely anyone wakes up to acknowledge a nightmare's meaning.

The Fall of Midnight

2007-12-23T13:41:00.000+08:00

Mr. Midnight had a fright
and fell down the stairs,
The cat saw what had happened
and blamed the dog instead.
Poor Alfred, Midnight's canine friend,
They stuck a needle into him,
Alfred's eyes never opened again.
Poor little feline, no master, no friends,
Left all alone to fend for herself,
But that was never a problem,
For she was never Midnight's friend.
A fiend she was, a shadow unseen,
Now that Midnight is gone,
She can finally be the bitch she really is.

HAIL the death of Midnight!!!

2006-06-05T12:13:00.000+08:00

Silent is the heart that knows love,
Fearful is the lover who sees lost,
Sorrow is the weeping new orphan,
But all is what makes humanity the better for.

2006-04-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

There the lights fell dim,
As shadows crept into the dark,
Into the room as they sleep,
Each child in their dreams,
Whilst the shadows play their games,
Working the magic of old,
Rearranging thoughts and dreams,
Making sweet images into nightmares,
This game of theirs, a game longed played,
A game mortals adapted when they grew old,
Trickery of sorts, lies of many,
That hearts break and souls twisted,
Shadows teach children to be wicked,
So that when they wake into adults,
The wicked make the shadows proud,
But blame them we cannot,
For it is the humanity's fault,
For being fickle and weak,
And what weak creatures we are.

The Jester King's Rhymes - Learning

2006-04-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

Shadow-walk here,
Day-walk there,
Always walk alone,
No ones ever there,
No one ever cares,

Be alone until sorrow grows,
and a tree named Misery
gives a darkly shade,
where poor souls gather
to keep each other company,
but walk each will do again,
and alone once more,

Talk a walk into the woods,
Bite an apple of maddened thought,
Fall apart and weep in tears,
Then learn the blood cry song,
And then continue the walk,

Still alone, still no one,
reach the Sea of Drowning,
if there is joy then walk on water,
if sorrow's in heart,
drown like the others,
still, like always, die alone.

Passing Life

2006-03-26T15:13:00.000+08:00

Each day passes, each morning comes,
But the night before I never slumber,
Not truly; always half awake and
in the realms of utter dreaming,
Yet I remain, mortal to the heart,
Or am I mortal really, or not at all.

Each day passes, each morning gone,
Every dawning I mourn of my childhood lost,
Regrets and whispers of lost fun,
I who felt the whip; I who felt the punch,
I who cried to sleep not knowing love's warmth,
Or maybe this monster deserves no love.

Each day passes, another time lost,
I remain awake in bed next to my love,
Sometimes I wish to tell her,
On times I wish her not to know,
Of all the scars I have; ones that never show,
Can she see this monster and still love me so?

Each day passes, a sunset takes to dusk,
I see a dark cloud over my mortal heart,
Shall tomorrow be better, if tomorrow comes,
Shall I smile, or will I be cold of heart,
And can this beast truly be loved,
Or am I to wander, lost and without heart.

Each day passes, night stars shone bright,
I remain here, wishing for that warm light,
No more fear of losing my mind, nor
that of my heart's warmth inside,
I glare long into that deep sky,
And I wish for someone to come and save my life.

Riddle me this:

2006-02-17T03:01:00.000+08:00

walk on water,
tread on land,
pass through mountains,
and trots on desert sands,
yet no mark is traced,
and we still stand.

who are we?

The Jester King's Rhymes - Jester's Call

2006-01-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

Come one, Come all,
Come and dance with me,
Let's all sing; Let's all fly free,
Lose your sorrows,
Lose your pain,
And smile along with me.

Let's have fun,
Let's forget,
Past and present and
the future's end,
Lose your mind,
Lose your name,
And smile along with me.

Eat your fill,
Drink your lot,
Fill your bellies,
Kill your thoughts,
Give your soul away,
But continue to smile along with me.

Make a reason,
Heed the call,
Bleed your body,
Take the fall,
Live and die,
Just keep smiling with me.

I've taken your sorrow,
I've taken your pain,
I've taken your time and
made you lose you name,
I've filled your stomach
and left you blank,
And I've made you give
your soul away,
Now you have fallen,
So now, smile for me.

Oh, you fool, you little brat,
Three times three with this black cat,
Taking your soul,
And stealing your name,
I am the jester and
this is my game.

I am the hauntings,
I am the fright,
And that thing that creeps in the night,
Well, that isn't me, but a friend you see,
But once again, let me tell you what I be,
I, oh little ones, am the Jester King.

Personal Quote:

2006-01-27T03:31:00.000+08:00

Life's full of cliches, don't be afraid to be a part of it, the good part at least.

The Jester King's Rhymes - Children's Rhyme

2006-01-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

Here's a scary children's rhyme for those who fear the dark. Tell you your kids if you want them to fear what lies beyond...

Oh, little children, dreamers of fun,
Know that we'll haunt you,
For we are the Dark Ones.

We creep from under your bed,
From the shadows in your room,
We're the ones who make you dread,
And we dream for you your doom.

We rattle your closets,
We drop all your toys,
To scare you dead and
out of your mind.

We make you fear us,
That is our game,
You know we are there,
But dare you tell us to GO AWAY.

Oh, little children, dreamers of fun,
Know that we'll haunt you,
For we are the Dark Ones.

The Jester King's Rhymes

Children's Rhyme

stream | download

Personal Quote:

2006-01-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

Words are important; without them, we'd all be lost in thought.

Personal Quote:

2006-01-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

I fell once, but whilst I was falling, I found enlightenment and bore wings; that there set me to new heights.

2005-12-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

All this pain everyday, I feel it,
Coming to take me away,
Agony's face sees it to be,
Wawiting for me to weep,

You, who took away everyday of my life,
Took it all as you played me,
Making me a fool, enjoying my misery,
This pain I feel are all the memories I need,

All this pain I feel everyday,
Comes from you, night demon,
Oh, what have I done,
To deserve the silence of your heart,

The silence of an empty room,
Only my thoughts do I hear,
This pain I feel is all the memory I need,
Memories of your once kind heart,

What wrong have I done?
What sins committed by me?
When you were the one who wrong me,
Tis' I the saint, turned to villain, by eyes others see,

Thus all I need are those sorrowful memories.

These words were written a year ago, in dreadful times of grief. I knew anguish then, but I was lost in the battle for what was really more important.

2005-11-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

I dreamt I was lost, and blinded by the night,
That my eyes knew not the path to the light,
But then came gentle hands that led the way,
Somehow I trusted I wasn't going astray,
Sensations of safety, warmth, and love poured through,
Feelings from which I thought I never knew,
Then came the path that shone with light,
And this I knew was the path I should abide,
As I crossed over and came back to life,
I found her gentle caress and felt no strife,
For I knew truly, that she was my guide.

A Promise Made

2005-11-08T21:16:00.000+08:00

I once dreamt I was a fish with blue and yellow stripes all over,
And in that dream I dreamt I had a fishy lover,

I once thought I was a hunter, with much rage in my heart,
But seeing my prey caring its cub, my rage fell apart,

I once remembered that I knew all of sorrow's pain,
Yet misery left me once I knew your name,

I now know that my life was never whole,
Until you came and brought life to my soul,

Here and now I promise to reside,
With love in my heart as you are at my side.

Children's Bedtime Charm - Audio

2005-09-29T11:39:00.000+08:00

Monsters, monsters from under my bed,
Please don't come to chop off my head,

Shadows, shadows lurking from the closet's dark,
Please don't come to leave me your mark,

Goblins, ghouls and children of the night,
Fly away and give me no fright,

I am the master so let me be,
You shall leave on the count of one, two, three.

This is a bedtime charm for those of children who feared the dark, and what lives in it. Be safe little ones, and fear no more.

Children's Bedtime Charm - streaming | download

Untitled Piece - Audio

2005-09-29T02:45:00.000+08:00

As it says on the title...

Untitled Piece - streaming | download

The Undying Tree - Audio

2005-09-29T02:41:00.000+08:00

Another recording for you guys to enjoy...

The Undying Tree - streaming | download

The Unrest - Audio

2005-09-29T02:31:00.000+08:00

A new recording brought to you by Ami J and the Internet Archive...

The Unrest - streaming | download

The Undying Tree

2005-09-03T05:39:00.000+08:00

Each leaf is one to the other,
Equal in every way that is,
But no single leaf falls together,
With that of its brother and sister,

Take this tree in to mind,
From start to finish of time,
Nothing will change,
This tree is the true undying,

For each of us immortals go,
The Undying Tree will follow,
We are the ones kindred with its soul,
So with it our hearts are one and all.

Elder's Dust, My Own Flesh

2005-08-18T20:45:00.000+08:00

Upon this night, full of dark and dread,
I sit upon the fire crackling its warmth,
In this chair, the silence only spoke.

His heart was dying and his soul long gone,
Yet his mind only had a single thought,
Of his sweet angel and her gentle touch,
It was her that taught him of lasting love,
When darkness filled his saddened heart,
And he reminded himself of her soft eyes,
Of blue, pristine as the day's sky,
It was her as well that spoke of hope,
With her caring voice and that gentle note,
She sprung him into a fine poet,
But her life has ended and her soul lost,
And he is alone again and his heart gone,
She was the hope as he was her destiny,
And now all is lost, Death's fine cruelty,
And his heart slowly fell away,
And time came to claim from his earthly stay,
His breathe fell quick and a cold shiver came,
But in the end, he hoped again that he
may see her gentle smile when he reached his final breathe.

And when that came, his breathe,
My life became greater and no less,
I am a poet, the next of the line,
But let us remember the elderly time.

To My Blood Kin

2005-08-17T02:03:00.000+08:00

This is pulling me down,
Its paining of your distrust,
An emotion of hate and rage
from your wounding thrust,
Now this wound is gaping,
Bleeding through and my mind
has lost all true hope,
Yet you'll always see me smile,
For my wounds are mere mortal,
My eyes glare at you,
Though my expression is blank,
Piercing through to take a glance,
Of that thing to call your soul,
Where is your humanity?
Oh, brother of mine,
Where is that speck that once
made you completely whole?
And to my very end,
I feared for you even more,
Though my eyes may eternally close,
But you, my dearest friend,
My brother, my blood kin,
You I fear the most,
For I fear that you may have lost your mortal soul.

The Undying Folk

2005-08-17T01:59:00.000+08:00

We are the ones who find truth,
These very few taht exist for this task,
Spectators of time, ticking ever last,
Yet we find no pleasure in the world's end.

2005-08-15T00:51:00.000+08:00

Here we reside in the tones of conformity,
The ideals of life that society taught us,
In which do we come and go, to and fro,
Yet the makings of the world do not show,

Can you take my life away?
Can you make me suffer no more of this pain?
I die each time you pass the chance,
To end my misery by a mere glance,

Dude! I am in pain and painings of living grow,
All that needs to be done is for joy to come,
But that never happens, not in a chance,
You never see the truth, not at first glance...

At a Point...

2005-08-14T23:49:00.000+08:00

Here I am, at the cross road again,
Not the same as the last,
Still remains the same in one way,
A choice to be made of my path,
And here I stand in thought,
Of which way may lead to my fate,
That destiny may change and so
to the life I lead may alter its course,
I fear for this, for the change,
But I must move some time,
As the sun may rise and set,
My feet must move head on,
Not moving a step back, not turning
around, away from the paths ahead,
For in truth, the past is behind me,
I can never go back, to who I was,
Nor can I remain stagnant in this place,
This limbo of destiny's arms, wide open
with possibilities of endless proportion,
Yet limited to the fate I shall have,
Do I dare to care to regret all those minor sins?
When before was it not me that chose
not to regret my personal actions and take it
head on to my judgemnet.
I am that the junction and my mind spirals
away the thoughts of what will be,
Of things to come in the time of my life's future,
Should I maybe then be gin to worry,
Of my lacking in saving my humanity,
And embrace my fate whole heartedly,
I think too long a time at this point,
And I close my eyes to find an answer,
In my day dreaming, where I may see
What imaginary future may be,
This I do, and still the cross road I be.

Soul Fulfilled

2005-08-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

There is no need to be in pain,
Not when sorrow's not your gain,
There is no need to lash the whip,
Not when the soul is fulfilled,

Here we are, in the darkest night,
Among our shadows in unison,
Here we go into this night,
Where darkness falls and shadows turn,

I am here, by your side,
In the calming of this good night,
As the winds send chills down our spine,
The raving madness is left behind,

This is a night, where fears are gone,
Where the cold and pain do us no harm,
And for those moments, the soul is full
Of a strength that seldom had grown,

I am here, by your side,
In the calming of this good night,
As the whispers we share go on by,
We give way to the rising of the light.

The Unrest

2005-08-01T13:21:00.000+08:00

I feel alone in this dark night,
Too cold is my heart from sorrow's part,
And ill is be my body that aches so much,
But in pain, there is a sense of clarity,

I cherished that moment of sincerity,
Those moments where joy brought no grief,
Where there was no cost to shine a fool's grin,
But that time has ended for me,

All there is left is the empty heart of an unloved man,
Whose soul is weeping and the body decays,
And dry tears leave its mark on a dirtied face,
And there is much unrest in my unloved soul.

Of Old but Not Forgotten - Audio

2005-07-30T11:01:00.000+08:00

Another recording I made when I went through my files... Enjoy!!

Of Old but Not Forgotten - streaming | download

Dancing in Dark and Light - Audio

2005-07-30T10:56:00.000+08:00

Here's one of my latest recordings, I do hope you enjoy it.

Dancing in Dark and Light - streaming | download

Malice's Riddle

2005-07-24T20:29:00.000+08:00

You are here, in this realm,
Where darkness comes and madness dwells,

Here I am inside of you,
Hidden away from all you knew,
I am deadly, I am fun,
I am you on the run,
We are the same, you and I,
And there's no time for sweet good-byes,
Harm others and harm ourselves,
Burn this mortal heart as well,

You are here, in this realm,
Where darkenss comes and madness dwells,

You think you're rid of me,
Well, you think wrong,
I'm here too, causing trouble in your heart,
And until you admit this truth,
I will haunt you 'til Death plays her flute.

Dancing in Dark and Light

2005-07-09T15:44:00.000+08:00

Time's a wasting, everday of our lives,
Living in the reckoning of shadows unturned,
We move apart and dance in the light,
Until the burn makes our lives a plight,

Do we go back into that night?
Into the shadows of darkness's might,
Or shall we dance of the light?
And burn ourselves in the due time,

Choices we make are choices undone,
But for now, I say we live life with fun,
Take both shadow and too the light,
Become one from both and fight,

For through darkness comes wild thoughts,
Making madness live and run amok,
Thus the light places joy and warmth,
Taking sorrow from its heart,

I dance the dance of the in-between,
Both shadow and light I love indeed,
Take the darkness and the flame,
Make the soul wild whilst the mind tame.

2005-07-09T15:30:00.000+08:00

Quiet is the night and chilly is its air,
Something lurks in the darkness,
Passing through in shadows I do not dare,
To the graveyard I feel the stillness,
Dead air for the souls departed,
Yet the living breathes it as well,
Tombstones speak of the living emancipated,
Rise my thoughts of questions that shouldn't dwell,
Of how the living know not the dead,
But death meets us all for preparations,
To bury our mortal flesh into the earth,
What shivers run through my spine,
To ponder on such that is truly divine,
But I pass this graveyard and head home,
To slumber in thoughts of the dead grace,
And wonder when I shall take that place.

2005-07-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

In pursuit towards the existence of truth,
We find in it the trivial nature of humanity,
The neverending entrapments of living in conformity,
Always pounding away from the mind to the soul,
This I take to me the ending of all that's fair,
That a life worth living is one without compare.

Silence in the Dark - Audio

2005-07-07T13:36:00.000+08:00

Darkness fills the lonesome room,
along with the heart that's with it,
But his darkened heart was always there,
Morose, morbid and perverse is his way,
Though now the darkness engulfs him,
In its pitch black scene,
No longer differing from himself
and the shadows around him,
There, he is complete,
He is whole again, and comformity
itself has become more perverse,
For in the silence of the dark,
Morals are reversed and and madness rules all.

Silence in the Dark - streaming | download

2005-07-04T12:13:00.000+08:00

Both houses of light and flame,
Warring throughout all the ages,
Feathered wings and horn-tailed battle through,
But the lands in-between become undone.

2005-06-30T02:32:00.000+08:00

Angels roar and blades unsheathed,
Fire burns the of house of sins,
Break into ashes the barren wind,
Let the deaf hear the silent grace.

Mortal Souls - Audio

2005-06-27T05:56:00.000+08:00

Yet another recording that has been lying around in my hard disk. I found it and thought why not upload this one too.

Mortal Souls - streaming | download

2005-06-26T12:36:00.000+08:00

They die in the sympathy,
Of both desire and lust,
The succubus take on their roles,
And fuck the sinners until life is lost.

Excerpt

2005-06-21T18:11:00.000+08:00

Upon my thoughts,
I could not see,
The balance between myself,
For I fell apart, and in that moment,
I was nothing else.

or you can listen to it if you want...

Excerpt - streaming | download

2005-06-20T21:56:00.000+08:00

Silence is never a gift,
It is a cruel joke that exits sanity,
To what person can be gifted,
In achieving this peaceful silence,

Is it the deafness of his or her ear,
Or the subtle maddening of lost thoughts,
Could be the non-existence of folk?
But even then, thoughts arisen,

And madness now creates perception,
What perception gives is no resolution,
It rather further questions,
So that the mind never takes rest,

Oh, silence! Will you ever come?
Do enlighten me with quiet and peace,
Bring us all a sense of solace,
And maybe wars would end.

A Cry for Help - Audio

2005-06-20T10:45:00.000+08:00

Here's another recording that was done last year, one of my pieces entitled, A Cry for Help.

A Cry for Help - streaming | download

A Case of Rage - Audio

2005-06-20T10:24:00.000+08:00

Here's one of my poems that was recorded last year, but I never got to find a site that hosted it. Now that I have one, I'll be uploading audio poetry as well as my usual submissions. Just click on the link below for the audio streaming or you can download it.

A Case of Rage - streaming | download

Never Dead

2005-06-18T01:54:00.000+08:00

The smell of sulphur is pungent,
As blood pours from that gaping hole,
Yet he missed and now he's in pain,
Oh, poor Cain, wanting to die,

The poison's strong and vile,
But time was too slow to end it,
And she never got to have her taste,
Dear Anabeth, never to fall,

The knife's all bloody and tainted,
Everyone else was all killed,
But it wasn't deep enough for him,
Joshua, you'll live for prison, afterall,

The bullet hit the chest,
But it missed the heart entirely,
And now he's in the hospital,
Sorry, Danyael, you get to live,

These souls may not end,
They are condemned from it,
Knowing it until I say so when,
For now, they and all that live are the never dead.

Gods' Test of Mortal Death

2005-06-14T08:55:00.000+08:00

A dozen times I fall,
In the dreaming of dreams,
A dozen more times I go,
Until death takes me whole,
When does the never ending die?
When do gods of cruelty sing mercy?

One, two, three and now I wake,
But I still fall and find that the chasm
is below me swallowing me whole,
But I dare not scream for I know the
difference between reality and dream,
And now I hear the gods laughing,

They are, in intent are not cruel beings,
Simply they rather test us lower creations,
Test us with what we fear in our hearts,
But they know not Death's song,
And their test would end a mortal like me,
For I shall die of fear for the falling,

A dozen times I fall,
In the dreaming of dreams,
A dozen more times I go,
Until death takes me whole,
When does the never ending die?
When do gods of cruelty sing mercy?

2005-05-26T15:27:00.000+08:00

I am here, if not there,
In spirit, floating around,
Seeking solace in dark corners,
Finding inspiration in blinding light,
And in between I seemed lost,
For in some ways to believe,
I am unsorted by nature,
But it is not that I am this way,
For I am merely out of sorts,
And not unsorted as you would believe,
I go from one to the next,
Hoping the end will come at last,
Yet, I find, I wish to press on, and
Confusion hits me hard to the ground,
Back to the earth I go, to the dirt,
That moulded my great father,
And now I lay there, lips kissing the soil,
Body in pain and turmoil, but
I find that in me is something, somewhat,
Of a child, wicked and weak at one time,
Of a man, in fear of the alone and is never,
Of a son who fails and succeed at once,
Or maybe a husband, without care and too much,
Or something that is worse,
Of a father who takes not his burden or
Grants him too much,
There I lay, pondering the thoughts of such,
Yet, no thoughts came along,
So, what did happen? An epiphany maybe?
My confusion, my clarity, will reveal its own,
Personification.

The Summoner

2005-04-05T12:53:00.000+08:00

Lifeless souls do I see,
Watching the pain from their eyes,
That life for me is eternal bound,
Yet theirs can be taken at any time,

Sworn with powers that bring life,
Bound by a curse that must be fulfilled,
Empty my heart became,
When long ago I felt its pain,

Once a man of virtue and peace,
To live my life in harmony,
That ended in blood and gore,
To see my kin alive no more,

The eternal flame awoken me,
Heart of Vengeance summonned me,
Soul of Evil arise from the darkness,
For I shall never be the same,

Centuries past & my powers grow,
The evil within has completely shown,
My empire of Darkness have I made,
Souls of the innocent fear my name,

And there comes a child,
Walking through the isle,
The face of my dead son,
That now I know the time has come,

The child, a man, a many of things it is,
Heaven's message has come to give,
That once a king, a clown I be,
From a clown, my kingdom falls,

Now I wander in the night's chill,
In a world surrounded by cruelty,
That I walk to undo my wrongs,
And free the innocent from the corrupt,

Wander now a thousand years past,
Where the world has altered in vast,
Thus evil still rises from the light,
My war has not ended, not yet,

Times has changed a million fold,
That life becomes illusion to the blinded,
They see not the truth of temptation,
For Hell sways their faith for lesser things,

All that is seen is nothing but what others see,
My destiny has shown its path,
But deny that the destiny given,
Do I feel its punishment upon my shoulders,

Yes, the weight of generations is upon my back,
And Hell's minions have hardneed my task,
That no longer good rules the hearts of many,
But the few whom believe are tormented for their faith,

Therefore faith is a lost cause to many,
But not to those whose heart can see,
See fabrications of evil influence,
And still turn away from such slander,

My cause be to bring back the faith,
Faith of purity, the Oneness of HE,
End the evil of all perceptions,
That may HE live again in the hearts of men,

Though I try, my journey has only begun,
The strength of time has brought me far,
But time's endless experience did not prepare me,
For the mission I must complete,

Hell's greatest warriors have been born,
Of strength, mind, spirit, and form,
That they take the form of man,
Their existence will bring dilemna,

The followers of He are hidden,
Their faces are of many a crowd,
Perception of faith to their hearts,
That they hide from the face of influence,

Influence of modern thoughts,
Confuses their perception in many a form,
That they break, one by one,
'Till there are none of faith to live,

Still, there be the general's of Light,
Heaven's chosen among men,
That though I am not one of them,
My cause is welcomed among their hearts,

This I see with my eyes,
The truth is hidden behind a scheme,
A plot to eliminate my faith,
But that shall not be,

For none-the-less I am of faith,
And nothing can break my faith but me,
Only HE knows the strength I hold,
In the faith which I believe,

As I walk in the world I see,
To see the illusions that are plainly seen,
That of things that illudes ones thoughts,
And to see such and be apart,

Thus I walk from day to day,
Controlling the evil nature within,
Watching the world pass by,
Seeing corruption and so I weep,

As time goes on,
What can I do,
But hope a miracle comes true,
For I am growing old...

And when the end comes near,
Will my life be the legend,
Will my curse be my blessing,
May I be known as the Summoner...

And may this be my tale....

This poem I wrote after a pagan rite I performed; a vision quest. I found it a little freaky, but couldn't seem to ever stop writing about it.

Time

2005-04-05T12:41:00.000+08:00

A time to kill, without a doubt,
A time to die, no need to pout,
When days go by, and all is lost,
To kill and die is merely to love,

A game to play, a life to take,
A soul to feed, of foul misery,
A love that once was, shall never be,
Time has come and taken you from me,
And I rest in silence of my lonesome,

Dear sweet love of mine,
We shall meet another time,
And sing and laugh and dance,
But not yet this time,
For it is cruel as can be,

Time has taken you away from me.

To a dear friend, Cassandra, who never faded in my heart. I have kept my promise to you and will continue to keep it as I go on. Where ever you are, I know we shall meet again.

Hell in Dreams: Slipping Away

2005-03-08T11:56:00.000+08:00

Everytime I slip away,
From the clear world of reality,
My f**kin' dreams take me away,
To a place that Hell would be,

I've been taken away,
From my home and all I love,
Yet I feel greater than that I am,
Cuz' I'm in the world of dreams,

I see it as a world of faithless souls,
Where faith lives no more,
All is lost in this world I see,
Only sin remains for me.

Mikey's Poem

2005-01-29T16:37:00.000+08:00

Here's something a friend of mine wrote on the night where he was drugged. Yes, he was in a high state of unspeakable ecstacy; he was in love. There that night, in his great hour of inspiration, my friend, my brother if you will, fought hard to find the words to say this. Anyway, here it is, Mikey's first poem, entitled Crimson Love.

Darkness englufed me when the

light seem to be fading fast,

shadow glooms over my empty soul,

down came an angel to rescue me

from my dark past and and fill

my empty soul with the love I

had once long to know.

Everynight I stare into the ever lonely moon,

balls of gases floating light years away beaming with hope,

never would I expect my baby angel to come so soon,

her love so vivaciously she throws,

burying me with the tenderness I had yearned for,

for your tenderness I learnt to soar,

way above the sky so high,lifting me up with your arm which

seems so strong yet so soft,

without my darling angel's blessing I would have died.

Crimson red Roses blooms and falls,

gently gliding back to the home she onced blossomed,

for the love my 'rose' gave me all,

and for that I will and cherish you 'till the day

I pass the Pearly Gates where hopefully our love,

romance and infatuation goes on forever prolonged.

To me dearest darling baby, Leen.

Michael Lau

I couldn't believe it, Mikey's a poet... Here's to you, mate.

Hidden Secret

2004-11-10T06:25:00.000+08:00

I awake upon a mourning dawn,

With the grief of life that I hold upon,

Yet, I'm not like others

who'll return to their lord,

I shall remain forever young until the end comes,

Having that the face of a mortal man,

Though within me flows the blood of damnation,

And as I grow stronger day by day,

The influence of darkness will come its way,

For still I will hide this secret within,

Fighting this evil that flows deep,

Walking away from the loved ones I know,

With the fear of who I am and what I be,

To always live on when other fall to death,

Feeding upon those fated to meet death's touch,

Life itself means not one thing to me,

This hidden secret in my black heart must let be,

Accepting my soul its damning to slavery,

Immortal from the life I knew as mortal before.

Madd Hatter

2004-10-01T03:41:00.000+08:00

Here I sit quiet in this room,

Within the silence of the darkness,

I let my own wicked bloom,

Allowing the putrid hatred to grow,

In mass consumption of thoughts

That would mortify the truly sinful,

Yet, I am far more worse than this,

Quiet in the room, my room of darkness,

Where I sleep my thoughts of sanity,

Though something stops me from entering,

Fully into the transition of madness,

I wonder what is was along with me,

But I did nothing this night,

Instead I fill my mind with the intricate weavings of deadly sins,

This, if you ever ask, is one of my many sides,

Only if this was more active,

God save this world from the madness yet to be unleashed.

Hell in Dreams: Losing Faith

2004-10-01T03:36:00.000+08:00

I go inside my world of fear,

To seem bleak as I go,

All the answers are becoming clear,

I'm losing faith and the end is near,

Who the f**k did this,

The evil has deserted me,

Changes are takin' place and I'm feelin' deformed,

My world of Hell is dying out,

Time has come for me to go,

To end my nights in Hell's deep slumber,

Evil has ended for me,

Time to return to reality,

In a single thought,

Do I end all pain in Hell's dream,

When I awake from my departing,

To awaken and find another day.

Utter Emotion

2004-10-01T03:12:00.000+08:00

A day in the light is

merely a skin of thoughts,

A flesh of simply mere visions,

That entice the mind entirely,

If that is the flesh comes to

thoughtand then alters into

a complex skin of ideas,

Where as the essence of it all,

Falls apart to the lesser things,

Make me feel once more these feelings,

That I seem to have lost, and many

of which I cannot translate,

Nor can I see the truth in it,

Though it resides in me,

And I wish for it, but never does it come,

How I wish it back to me,

So I may live on and no longer feel anguish.

Hell in Dreams: The Freak Show

2004-08-23T15:13:00.000+08:00

It has been a while in this mother f**kin' world,

Seen it all that I've heard,

All the wicked and the cruel,

To walk around and see this world I know about,

In all my dreams of Hell's great land,

There's one place that I've never been,

A f**kin' circus that I missed,

People say it's the center of all bliss,

I enter with an open mind,

To see the evil that really is,

What the f**k is this Hell hole,

Just the best mutherf**kin' freak show,

I can't deny,

I can't hold it up any more,

The feelings inside are saying,

"I love this mutherf**kin' carnival",

Freakin' works of nature,

Pure evil in many forms,

This is what I asked for,

Hell's finest in my f**kin' dreams.

Hell in Dreams: Beauty Within

2004-08-18T02:07:00.000+08:00

Darkness thrives on evil souls,

The greatness of it all,

Hearts of fire burning away,

That's the beauty of the devil's way,

My soul of Hell,

Deep in my thoughts,

Thickens everytime I dream,

Only to gain beauty of my darkness,

All my life these shackles have held,

Never releasing the true beauty within,

Evil hearted hence my soul has become,

What else remains for me is gone,

I've seen the evil of the f**kin' world,

All my life in pains so deep,

Though wounds may heal in due time,

Only to let the evil grow stronger than before,

Long ago the beauty of my soul,

Possessed good and nothing more,

The purity of my life those days,

Has gone as the evil has come to take its place,

Now my soul holds evil alone,

The darknes has brought evils beauty,

Now's the time to f**k around,

Because the beauty within has come.

Hell in Dreams: Deep Within

2004-08-17T23:07:00.000+08:00

One of my many poems I wrote in highschool; a piece of the dark spirit arouse me into a verbal frenzy of sinister dreams and nightmarish desires to feed the killer within. Well, that part of my life is over or at the very least, it's in a deep slumber.

Far, far away in my slumber,

Deep within my dreams of Hell,

Is a creature similar to I,

That tempts me to reach for the darker side,

Sins and lust can not satisfy him,

Destruction and chaos is merely fun,

This f**kin world of dreams he has mastered,

Now he wishes reality to f**k around,

I see this f**kin' bastard's soul,

Is empty and has no morals,

See 'em fly with those demonic wings,

We both become one of the same,

Deep within the thoughts so pure,

Is the fire that burns for more,

The world I created he controls,

We're evil in its purest form.

Thrill of the Hunt

2004-08-13T16:51:00.000+08:00

Now, there's something about fear I'd like to say,

That it seems to feed me more and more each passing wake,

Not the fear of my own I mean, but more of fear that

many other mortals taste, I feed of theirs and I grow my strength,

Yes, yes, the frenzy from within, a monster

of beasts that seeps out from within my soul,

My darker place if you will, that part of me that says,

"Life needs more thrill, you bastard!!!"

Here lies my body, in tiring sweat, chasing after my very own dream,

But on that way, along that path, 'tis fear is what I feed,

The taste of it, texture and fill is to me sweet meat,

I take within that of which I ever so love, fear is my thrill for this hunt.

Jester's Song

2004-08-13T02:43:00.000+08:00

Come and sing a joyful tune,

One that'll wake you in amuse,

Sing this song and turn blue,

The play's begun with joyous tune,

Dance and drink and skip a beat,

Deadly roses are my feat,

Come and sing a joyful tune,

You are now my deadly tool...

End Without

2004-08-13T02:26:00.000+08:00

Why have you gone,

Away from me,

Far from the all we've been,

To what we could be,

And I've wondered if,

You're thinking of me,

But all I know...

Without you,

I can go blind,

Without you,

I'll lose my mind,

I don't know what to do,

And there's nothing for me,

Without you in my life,

I open my eyes to the new dawn,

And try to open my mind,

But there isn't one,

I try to get up, but instead I fall apart,

Without you, living isn't enough,

I looked at the mirror,

And all I can see,

The face of a man whose incomplete,

Why is there sorrow deep in me,

When we're so far away,

I get dressed for work,

But it's Saturday, My mind is blurred,

But I feel okay, I look at the tv,

And what do I see,

There's your face smiling at me,

I take a walk into the park,

Thinking where you might be,

Then I start to believe,

You might be here with me,

And comes the shock of reality,

That you've gone, away,

And all I can say...

Without you,

I can go blind,

Without you,

I'll lose my mind,

I don't know what to do,

And there's nothing for me,

Without you in my life....

Forgotten

2004-08-02T01:34:00.000+08:00

I have forgotten of something,

Or maybe I have lost all,

Where do my memories lie?

Of past times that once lived on,

Maybe, to some extent,

my verymind no longer feels to recollect,

Nor to sense what was once,

Twice or thrice the feeling of life,

So instead I leave this world,

Duely knowing little of joyous tunes,

Thus strife takes on its full bloom,

And I take with me that lesser half.

A Case of Rage

2004-07-08T02:02:00.000+08:00

I see nothing anynore,

No love can I hold,

None of which emotions lie,

And I have forgotten,

Who am I and all I am,

So terribly amazed at this will,

To rise above from the pain,

From this anguish, this torment,

A part of me cannot take,

And yet I must endure,

To the level of rage,

Bringing forth only what I feel,

The anger, the pain, the ROAR!!!

This is my case of rage...

A very depressing moment in my life that can't be taken back...

Of Old but Never Forgotten

2004-07-02T04:40:00.000+08:00

Never have I felt a joyous day as this,

Inspired by love instead of hate, so

Kindness fills my heart and soul with peace,

Reddened roses in the dawn of spring,

Over the meadows of the Hills, the

Zest of air so fresh and fine, and

Living life in peaceful mind,

Inviting the return of my great life,

Nesting my soul away from the dark,

Everyday I await for peace,

Longing to rest in arms of joy,

In loving life rather than calling strife,

Now truly knowing what I want, for

I found happines and peace in finding you.

I wrote this long ago, in highschool, to a special someone. And now it seems that in the darkest moments where all love is lost, I find her name to comfort my heart; her voice that comforts my ears, but mostly her face that calms my soul. I hear, see and feel her....Everytime I close my eyes. It hurts sometimes, but mostly I know it is love.

This is for you, a tribute to an undying love, that won't seem to fade away.

Wilting Darkness & Mortal Evil

2004-07-02T04:38:00.000+08:00

Here's something I wrote a while back... Strangest thing though, this piece was one of my works that got all wet during a tragic accident where the culprit was a mishap of a student(me) and a hot cup of java. But now that I found it, its time for this piece to be known or well, at least written...

Empowerment of Life that come to death,

Be not within the control of man,

That God give's and takes away,

But still, man falls more astray,

From the darkness of the night,

Comes the day with all its might,

From the dawning until the dusk,

Life wilts once more in the shadows,

But shadows do not serve the Dark Lord,

Much so, that evil wilts like a rose,

In time this evil shall finally cease,

Yet there will be no sudden peace,

For when every death there is a life,

Anguish be there the end of strife,

When Hell's madness cease, another shall rise,

And shall it be birthed among God's revered,

Hell's will is from the evil it collects,

Though, when a mortal surpasses Hell,

Comes the dawning of darker sin,

An evil that consumes truest of sins,

And as the old wilts and comes anew,

That this darker arm comes this way,

Waltzing now to hearts so frail,

Does this mortal evil finally prevail.

Written in 14 July, 2001 in the darkest corner of the room.

Sight of You

2004-06-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

Mr. Jones sits on the bench, and
everyday he and a child chat awhile,
Of all things they converse,
Today of all days would be the last.

Mr. Jones: Let me tell you of something my lad,
That life is nothing of yours and had,
All that is left is what is seen,
The harshness of life and its reality,
Hear what I say boy and heed it well,
Life is only a path to Death.

Child: But why Mr. Jones is Death so bad,
When your life is too grief and sad.

Mr. Jones: 'Tis because of Death's touch that I mourn of life,
For it is Death that murdered my dearest wife,
and too the child she bore,
Death took my joy and I have no more,
What makes this worse all in all, is that
SHE will not touch me and allow my fall,
And that is why I believe Death is a cruel mistress afterall.

Child: Oh, truly Death is heartless,
And SHE is without a heart that can touch,
Though I do believe HER judgement is kind,
and mercy will bring you to your loved ones,
For SHE and I now take your life.

Thus Death's touch finally came,
And misery was ended in Mr. Jones pain...

Beyond Myself

2004-06-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

I look in the mirror,

To see nothing of myself,

Seeing only a child,

That I whimper alone,

In hoping a miracle will come,

But miracles are never true,

And my soul remains in misery,

This torment I feel inside,

Bringing my soul to arise,

Beyond that I am to be,

Oh dear God in Heaven,

Save me from this misery,

Allow to pass beyond,

That which I already am,

To another person of myself,

Now no more can they see,

This weak heart and soul I be,

For now and future time,

Will I make this truth mine,

A truth for all to see,

Beyond that which is no more,

Is a power I have not yet known,

And this is true from within,

My spirit now truly lives,

And Beyond ME, is my ETERNITY!

2004-02-22T16:08:00.000+08:00

I awake in my bed, in a cold sweat,

Can’t break it way, that fear,

That dream of dreams beyond me,

As it falls upon me as I fell to sleep,

An image, blurred from focus,

But as I get a grip of my vision,

I see a child, a little girl,

Standing there, just simply standing,

In her dress of simple threads,

I doubt she is real,

Or perhaps she may be,

But all this time I find no use in wondering,

For now my mind is drifting,

And some morning coffee,

Might bring me to my senses,

To the kitchen I walk,

Making coffee using that coffee pot,

She follows me with that face of hers,

Not happy nor sad,

But I sense in her a deadly feel,

One of which I dare not ask,

For who is this child,

This girl with the tattered threads,

continued in next post....

Dreaming: An Everlasting Hope

2004-02-13T01:54:00.000+08:00

As people go on in their busy lives, working and accepting other responsibilities, what makes them go on in their lives. For me, it’s something I call DREAMING.

Each and everyday, our lives go from a calm morning at the breakfast table, to a hectic day at school or the office. At the end of all that, the sun sets upon the horizon and we all go home to mend the problems there. And as the night falls, all we do is sleep until the next dawn. It’s there in our sleep that we dream of things that could never be ours. That itself is what we call HOPE.

Within our dreams, we all wish for the best. Even people whose lives are filled with wealth dream of such other luxuries they don’t own. It is the remainder of hopes that lye in our hearts. We dream pleasant things each and every night (except for nightmares), to ease the stress and burden of everyday life. When all else fails to calm us, the World of Dreams will bring us all to another greater place. Though it may be mere hours of sleep, it seems an eternity of dreams.

If we were to take the scientific approach, I would say it’s just the brain functioning properly, actually its true. When we sleep, our brain is sent to the sub-conscious while it projects certain images or fantasies from our memory. Those chosen images are then put together to create what we call dreams. By going through this process the brain is merely saying, “Everything is under control, just relax.”

Through the process, our stress is released, the heart beats smoothly and our mind is in a relaxed state where we don’t have to remind ourselves of the work that needs to be done. So it’s safe to say that by going through the process of creating a dream, our brain is in good condition. If otherwise, well, the person is pretty much brain dead (or completely brain dead). I may not be correct about what I’ve written, but that’s somewhat how it goes.

Though there are some things that science can never prove, one of them is magic. One of the greatest types of magic that I’ve ever seen is the Magic of Hope. Through dreams we regain hope that within the contents of the next day, the burdens we fall upon could be slightly eased. And through that, the choice of awakening from that illusion would be through the hope of gaining the real thing. That’s the magic! Making a choice to survive in the real world we live in and taking with us the expectations we wish for from an illusion we call dreams. That is true magic from the human spirit.

Though some people believe the scientific approach, and others (a minority) may believe that part about magic. Personally, I believe in both. The science is all about logic while the magic of it all, makes me think of how things never change (that’s a different topic). None the less, the hope that comes from it all is something to be inspired by in several perspectives. One, is the will to go through life without doubting the things you desire and hoping they come (though it may never become reality). The belief of a certain desire makes a person think he or she is ready to take tomorrow’s challenge. To belief in that alone, I am willing to go on with my life and take the chances that life gives. And that should be the belief of every person on the planet.

To what I’ve written, it may not matter to many people, but the idea of it touches the heart of everyone. Though there are those who say otherwise, their hearts deceive them. In short, through dreams we can make our lives more pleasant with the hope of someday it will come.

*I wrote this in my online school newsletter. Thought it would be good for anyone reading this to believe in dreams again...

Books and Adaptations

2004-02-12T00:12:00.000+08:00

In the past years, a great many books that have reached the heart of humanity and the creative aspect of our own capability. None the less, the imagination that grows to limitless heights has been drawn a line.

Books, novels, and so fourth of fictional basis has been the key to expanding the horizons of human creativity. It's sad though that now such remembered books such as the works of J.R.R. Tolkien (author of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy), Stephen King and Anne Rice (author of Interview with a Vampire) have become adaptations to movies.

As Hollywood is seemingly running out of ideas (and I know they are), the screenplay writers have taken the works of others and wielded it into their own. They may have the permission of the author, but is it really worth ruining to power of imagination. Though they do this as a living, it is to my understanding that they are killing the fine works done. For instance, I myself am a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, and as I watched the movie, I found to be both impressed and dissatisfied with the work done there. I'm not trying to say that the movie was terrible, but the events that occurred in the film itself left details. What I hated the most was when after the movie had finished, many people say,"That's it!" or "There's gotta be a sequel." It’s as if these people never read the book.

Sometimes, it’s fine to watch something that’s been adapted from a book into a movie, but to the point where people themselves ignore the writings in which founded such amazing movies, it becomes a sad notion. To not know the origin of an award winning movie that came from the hands of a writer struggling to be noticed, thus forth himself/herself has written in vain. The sole purpose of a good book comes with the writer's intent to create and enhance the imagination of a person's life. This is first and foremost a power that must be wielded especially towards children, since they possess the capability of high imagination and creativity.

In my point of view, the words written in a book or novel by a known writer can captivate the hearts of the reader. The only differences between a great book and an award winning movie adaptation is one holds endless bounties hence while the other limits what we see through their creativity and not ours. It is also a sad to think that once a movie adaptation has been made from a book, it pretty much kills the artistic perspective of the audience. Therefore, they may never read the original version and even if they do, the mind has been fed the characteristics of which the movie has given. And in time the original writings become the unknown and unheard of.

Though this is only my opinion, others may react differently. However, I challenge those who think of me wrong to humor me in their opinion. My belief that beautiful writings cannot be replaced by the actors that adapt the role, because in truth, when a person, he is playing a role in the storyline.

It is only a thought that becomes an idea in which expands and turns into an institution. By the time it does, it’s commercial and no longer unique. – The Crow

2004-02-09T04:36:00.000+08:00

I spent all weekend in my dorm room doing absolutely nothing. Well, not nothing; I did finish off a few games that I am playing, read a couple of chapters from this novel I'm reading, surfed the web and the list goes on. But I didn't seem to do anything constructive. Then on Sunday, I was wide awake and I realized as I stared at the ceiling that I am a pathetic, lonely sad little man. I mean, instead of going out and doing anything remotely close to fun I just hung around in my room making doodles on my sketchbook.

There's a world out there that I realized I haven't even tapped yet(well, I have done some 'tapping', but not as much as I should). So when I was lying there, in the madness of my thoughts, racing through my over-burned mind(I hadn't been getting much sleep lately, wierd intense dreams) I thought that it would be good to take a walk. I thought that maybe I could get this lazy a** of mine to move and get some fresh air. Instead I find my a** still on the bed, doing nothing. Then my roommate, Amri wakes up and bang heads straight for his computer and does what ever work he does.

Of course I get up because by that time it was past 2 pm(I slept at 6 am) and I needed to start hitting my head for ideas to write for my novel. Getting up was the easy part, I just chose not to do it, but when did, went straight to my chair and pretty much just did nothing on my computer. Seriously I felt like killing myself, which by the way is never a bad idea(all you need is a noose and a friend to revive you, hehe). But I went to work with my brain and found a something to do. I pretty much did nothing contructive, so I ask you, are you like me?

Well, don't be, coz' it sucks...

At least I had someone to share and kill the boredom. YES AMRI!!! That's you!!!

2004-02-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

Song of Prelude

Time has come to see fourth,

That of which the seasons change,

From summer to fall,

To winter then spring,

The Prelude of life shall begin,

And the songs of joy, misery, love and pain,

Shall sing once more in the times to come,

For the prelude of the living,

Has arrived to meet its dawn,

And life shall live again,

In the cycle once more,

The song of prelude will always be played,

When new souls come into the world,

Even in this day and age,

And the living find peace once more,

To what life may hold in the days to come,

What God may give shall come to pass,

As a greater symbol of his love,

So sing the songs of prelude once again.

2004-01-20T13:08:00.000+08:00

My Darkness

There's a darkness from within,

That brings a great reckoning,

And power beyond that I can see,

This hidden strength within me, arises to claim this

Flesh of mine, to bring chaos to my soul,

Still, I bear this pain,

Fighting for the mortal inside me,

Urging to survive from this darkness,

From this unbearable hatred,

For all that live and let live,

Yet, I am no longer alive,

Only that I exist, with

Both love and hatred within,

But this time, my darkness will fight,

And I have no choice but to suvive,

The pain I feel that bleeds me,

Scorching my soul of its humanity,

Replacing hate and death,

That I have turned again,

Into a demon and not a man,

In this demonic form I take,

Do I bleed the innocent,

Do I feed o their blood,

And tear their limbs,

Do I not care for their lives,

NO! I do not care at all,

For I am not angel nor man,

Not mercy nor love,

Nor am I the man I was,

I am the darkness of my soul...

And this madness has only begun...

2004-01-20T03:31:00.000+08:00

Mortal Souls

Heaven falls asunder,

Thus our wings spread high,

To the Heavens we try to soar,

But tattered wings we own,

These wings broken,

Can no longer mend,

And our fall from grace,

We turn to mortal hearts,

Us winged slaves,

We see what is given,

Yet not what is known,

With mortals born,

Of flesh and blood,

And another element,

That shall we not own,

An immortal soul,

Pure and tainted,

It is very known,

That mortal hearts,

Know not their mortal souls.

2004-01-16T16:01:00.000+08:00

Hell in Dream: Its Here in Me

I see a world of my design,

Could it be a world I know,

A world of Hell is all I see,

Cuz' its here deep in me,

Far, far in my sleep,

There's a voice calling me,

"Come, come to my aid,

Come and create this world with me",

And in all the fun,

I saw the world,

That's hidden in my soul,

Its here in me and all is revealed,

Its here in me,

Its who I am,

I've seen this world of Hell,

In my f**kin' dreams,

Finally, I'm in my realm,

To see the pain that others feel,

So here I am, fading away,

To return to a place called REALITY!